Tuesday, February 16, 2010

The more you read the add below, the funnier it actually gets.

"We are sure that after the first pill you girlfriend will scream in bed feeling orgasm, one after another.

Become the sex giant for less than 200 dollars and all women in your block will be yours."

First your gilrfreind - THEN THE WHOLE DAMNED BLOCK!

Just try once and we are sure you will become our customer forever and join the billions of

already satisfied customer all over the world.

Damn – Alberto, Billions? Really? Billions????

Daaaaaammmmnnnnnnnn 8-O

Fw: Enlarge your thing and crazy nights with prettiest ladies are guaranteed.

OK Alberto, What is wrong with this add below? Apart from the fact that you are trying to sell me "Enlargement Pills"?
WHY DO YOU HAVE A PICTURE OF A MAN GRILLING, AND HIS DAUGHTER (I ASSUME) STANDING RIGHT THERE?
What does this have to do with Enlargement? Can I grill better with a larger penis? Am I a better father with a larger Penis?
This is just too strange Alberto, and you are a very strange man in need of help.
F*cking SHIT Alberto - I mean really!! WTMFFS??
FAIL - with a huge F. A. I. L.
----- Original Message -----
To:
Sent: Tuesday, February 16, 2010 1:40 PM
Subject: Enlarge your thing and crazy nights with prettiest ladies are guaranteed.
Attention we have a sale!
Only today you have a great opportunity to make your woman scream from orgasms with our enlargement pills. A lot of men are sure that they have small devices what doesn't facilitate a good night with their second half. We are the biggest manufacturers of enlargement pills in Europe and we have already earned a great reputation their. Our enlargement pills are made of natural components and these pills will make your device bigger, stronger and your body will be full of energy while your night plays.

We can also offer you free testing pills that will help you understand and feel the effect pills have on you. We are sure that after the first pill you girlfriend will scream in bed feeling orgasm, one after another. Become the sex giant for less than 200 dollars and all women in your block will be yours.

Just try once and we are sure you will become our customer forever and join the billions of already satisfied customer all over the world.

Now that I am on Facebook, I post less than I did before. Blogs are fun, but they aren't really 2 way like FB. At the most they are 1.5 way. I guess I will keep it up, but the question is why? Out of habit? No not really. Maybe because I can post whatever the hell I want. On FB, I find myself "watching" my language.

 

Lets see.

 

YO!

Friday, December 25, 2009

No partridge in a pear tree, but a lovely Christmas

Last night according to German Christmas tradition, we had Bratwurst (nackide/nackige) and potato salad, even My son has given up on trying to fight against it. Like my wife said, since we only eat them usually once a year, then it's OK. I actually really like them. It is strange how so many people have such simple meals on as Christmas dinner, even in T.V. there are commercials for families eating Wienerlie for dinner.
 
If only the weather were better. I dont remember having such a grey and trostloser Christmas day.
 
oh well, MERRY CHRISTMAS TO EVERYBODY!!!!
 
Alan
 

Friday, December 18, 2009

I hope yule enjoy the season

I hope everyone out there is enjoying the upcoming holiday season, and all the Vorfreude.
 
YO
Alan

Sunday, November 08, 2009

HaHa, in an nostalgic air; I was looking at my first posts and came upon this
Sad but still true. Not much has changed.

Lumps

Holy Lumps of Guano Batman; has it really been that long since I’ve posted?

Yes Robin, you have been a lazy piece of shit! Even the penguin has been busier than you, not even to speak of the joker L

 

Well it isn’t as if I haven’t been doing anything at all. I mean posted some things on http://americans-in-ulm.blogspot.com/, no I mean something that I wrote myself, not just re-posting other mails. And I have continued to try and lose a bit of weight, started going back to the fitness studio 2-3 times a week. End of next week I am flying back down to Taiwan and China for a week. I am excited because Brian is going with me. I think the coolest thing is, not just that he can do things with me, but that he wants to do things with me. How cools that?

 

Oh yeah!! Can’t waaaiitt!!! THEM CROOKED VULTURES!!!!!! Live in Munich. Man is I freakin to see what that’s about!! From the couple of videos the I have Tubed, there is no denying who the parents are. Foos rock, QOTSA rocks, and Led Zep. are gods in their own right, so I am expecting to see a kick-waddapapoodi-ass concert!!

 

Maybe I’ll post some more later in the week, but don’t bet on it.

 

YO!

Tuesday, July 21, 2009

Back in Germany and through my back out. But its slowly getting better. I finally set up my blackberry for the e-mail server, let's see how much this costs at the end of the month :-) YO!
Sent via BlackBerry from E-Plus (whoopee shit huh?)

Friday, June 26, 2009

Here is a small exchange of mails between myself and one of my very bestes friends.

To:  Charlie Subject: Re: Hard times

do you think I should post this on my blog, or do you think I'll get firebombed?

So, speaking of hard times, Michael Jackson has passed on to that great Neverland Ranch in the sky. Have you noticed it in your daily life yet? Has it become harder to breathe? Do you feel like your traipsing along the edge of an unfathomable abyss? I think it is sad for the music. I think it is sad for him and his family as a person. But as for being the public figure, I feel strangely unattached and unmoved.

My very own personal opinion, for which all true MJ fans would hate me more than they hate Billy Jean is; It is unfortunate to loose such a wonderful human being, but it is the best that could have happened to his music. From now on, it will stay unchanged and memorable for all time, not watered down with any more embarrassing public happenings.

 The King of Rock has left the building.

The King of Pop has done his final Moonwalk.

Maybe its time we stop crowning people and elect them instead. Like; The president of Rap, The Prime Minister of Country and Western, The Public Speaker of the House of House. That way when they get too old and embarrassing for themselves, they can be replaced while they are still on top.

May Michael Jackson rest in piece and the memory live on.

That being said, lets take a deep breath and get on with our own lives.

YO!

From: Charlie

To: the.alheath.gmail

Subject: RE: Hard times

Yes… It's our position and no one can take that from you. And regardless of what position you take, pro, con or in the middle, someone will disagree so by all means post it and who gives a shit if they can't take it. This world that we've been building around political correctness is turning us into mealy mouthed over sensitive 5 year olds locked in some freakish Orwellin nightmare! "He hurt my feelings!" Fuck! Grow up world! I have the right to say what I feel is right just as you do but neither of has the right to point fingers and tell each other "you can't say that it's offensive". Confrontation and critical thinking are the most fertile breeding grounds of brilliant solutions and progress. So I say again Al… Post it by all means. I think it's very eloquent, respectful and well thought out.

For what it's worth: I think it's sad that with all his prior wealth he didn't get the psychological help he needed. I don't think he was as much a brilliant artist as he was more an idiot savant or maybe even a mix of both. I don't feel he was a pedophile as much as he was still that 12 year old boy who loved sleepovers and playing hide and seek in the gardens. As such he never grew up enough to understand consequence or even the possibility that what he was doing might be misconstrued as anything but innocent fun and his interviews revealed that quite clearly. This wasn't a willful position on his part; it was a psychological disorder that his wealth allowed go on unchecked and  untreated. Had he been just another human maybe he'd have gotten help or been locked away. Thanks Michael for your music, there are a lot of good memories locked in those songs I hope you've finally found that peace you've been searching for all these years. Happy sleepovers, so long and thanks for all the fish.

Charlie 

Wednesday, June 24, 2009

Just booked the next flights to China and Taiwan! Cant wait, I have never been to Taiwan before, so that'll be an experience, but like always, fly in - hotel - factory - fly out. No time for sightseeing. We wont even be flying to Taipei, so no "101" Tower this trip :-(
 
Anyways, according to the weather, it'll be about 33°c, and MAN I cant wait for that! this grey and rainy weather gets on my nerves, you could really get autum dpressions from this stuff. And the worst news is, we have already passed the summer solstice, that mean the days are already getting shorter, and we havent really had but a few days to enjoy any summer weather or sitting out on the balcony 'till late in the warm evening breeze, with a fire in the grill and a beer in the hand. Bummer.
 
'nuff c'plained fer now.
 
YO!

Thursday, June 11, 2009

Seasteading

Funny thing, every time I went onto my blog, it'd throw me out of my WLAN!?!

I deleted the Flikr badge, and voila, it works no-prob!

I was even able to follow Elizabeths link to that film about Neu-Ulm, really great, and sooOOoo Army!

 

thnx,

YO!

Fw: [alan heath - private blog] New comment on Went to a ZZ Top concert in

Yeah, the Hosen are great, but I'm actually more a DÄ fan, or Farin Urlaub!
 
Last Hosen concert in Friedrichshafen, almost got into a fight with some guy who thought he needed to keep moshing onto my back long after the pit he was in had stopped. Normaly I dont care, it belongs to the concert, but my wife was in front of me, and the steel barrier in front of her. I asked him to stop, but he kept on. Anyways, my sister-in-law caught the attention of a steward before we really started anything. The funny thing was, later I talked with the guy, and everything was OK, we appoligised to each other, all was forgotten.... Later I saw him a bit farther down the line, and he had his girlfriend in front of him, and was getting mad 'cause guys behind him were moshing, and bumping into them.
 
As they say, what comes round, goes round.
 
sorry though, the u2be link didnt work with copy/paste
 
But if you say ARMY and u2be, maybe I'l find it.
 
Speaking of da tube, I was vurfing around yesterday, watching great things like Devo, Adam Ant, Men with Hats, saw some Dennis Leary, and MY OLD HIGH SCHOOL MARCHING BAND!! OMFG!! Naturally it is all new, as back then, the video cameras either used super 8, or real professional cameras. But it was so geil to see that they are still doing some of the same things we did back then.
 
i.e. w³.youtube.com <Lely High School / Marching band> http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=J4ekDRAofbU
 
YO!
 
 
----- Original Message -----
From: Elizabeth
Sent: Thursday, June 11, 2009 6:47 PM
Subject: [alan heath - private blog] New comment on Went to a ZZ Top concert in <?xml:namespace prefi....

Elizabeth has left a new comment on your post " Went to a ZZ Top concert in ":

my husband and I saw Die Toten Hosen in Stuttgart and Bamberg during their latest tour. They played great! Stuttgart show was better tho. I've been a fan for over 10 years. Great Band! (and they played probably more than 2 hours total).

you mentioned the army in your last post... ever see this youtube vid?

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5jJ_3ECw66I



Posted by Elizabeth to
alan heath - private blog at 6:47 PM

Wednesday, June 10, 2009

Went to a ZZ Top concert in Munich yesterday. My wife won the tickets from Rock Antenne, so why not? They normally cost € 55.- a piece, and we knew they were coming, but they didn't interest us that much, so we didn't buy any. I must say, for a free concert they weren't bad, played a lot of their hits, but I was glad we didn't pay for them. They came out at 20:40, played 'till 21:50, took a 5 minute break, and came back and played 3 songs, and left the stage about 22:10, so about 1 ½ hours, without an opening act, and without really saying goodbye, just in-play-out. The music was good, but everything else was just so basic. For 55.-, it would have seemed expensive.  I can't wait until August when the Toten Hosen come to Neu-Ulm for the first real open air in the Wiley's! If the weather holds, that'll kick ass! We were at the AC/DC concert at the Hockenheimring, man the starting film before the guys came on stage was so crazy-loud, but that was definitely one of the best concerts this year.

 

YO!

Monday, June 08, 2009

Fw: [alan heath - private blog] New comment on Oh what wonder, I am posting something!

Hi Elizabeth,
 
I had almost forgotten how much fun riding the bike can be. After I left the Army, I rode the bike here a lot. I had the 10 speed from my wifes father, and it would be nothing to rip off 50-60km within a couple of hours on a Sunday morning between breakfast and lunch or coffee time.
 
I would ride my bike every day to work, from Neu-Ulm to Donautal and back. Then I got a better bike, and was even more underway. I actually stopped because I hated winter, and riding the bike at 4:30 in the morning in the dark. After I left that company and started at a company in Senden, where I didnt have to start work until about 8:00, then I started riding it again, in fact I gave the car to my sister-in-law as her first car, and rode the bike again. Only less for fun, just transport.
 
I didnt get a (second) car again until I started working here in Unter-Elchingen. I said that 15 - 17km is too far for the bike, especially in winter. But now I really want to see how long and often I can ride it to work, and also on the weekend, small trips along the Donau or Iller, maybe towards the Alb and such. Blaubeuren is cool with the bike, and Sonderbuch is extreme.
 
I think it'll take a few weeks more to really get back into shape, for all considering that I am now 42, and weigh a lot more than back then. But we all remember that famous line "Use the gears Luke", or was that something else?
 
YO!
 
 
----- Original Message -----
Sent: Friday, June 05, 2009 12:31 PM
Subject: [alan heath - private blog] New comment on Oh what wonder, I am posting something! <?xml:nam....

Elizabeth has left a new comment on your post " Oh what wonder, I am posting something! ":

re your bike ride: gut gemacht!

Biking in southern Germany is really cool: you have all the ups and downs of the Schwäbsiche Alb, the Schwarzwald, the Allgäu Alps, usw.

Just be sure to use the right gear when going up hill and give yourself time to build up your stamina.

And don't forget to have fun!



Posted by Elizabeth to
alan heath - private blog at 12:31 PM

Thursday, June 04, 2009

Oh what wonder, I am posting something!

 

I talked with my Dad on the WE. He said that my mom actually reads my blogs, which honoured me as much as it surprised me. Guess I should watch my d*mned language and stop using the "F" word so much. That may be hard, as I write on a spur of the moment exactly what I feel, and sometimes you cant get around saying the "F" word.

 

As I told my Dad, I bought a new bike, and am riding back and forth to work as often as I can. It is about 15km one way, so I get in 30km per day that I ride, which saves me !! 2.50 EURO a day in gas !!, helps me loose a bit of weight, my goal is to loose 15kg. Gets my condition conditioned and saves me a lot of anger with all those F*CKING German drivers. Not all of the anger, because now I REALLY have to keep my eyes open on the corners and intersections, but I would say that because I can take roads and bike trails where no cars are, it saves me about 80% problems and anger. If I could only put that in a piggy bank. Maybe a "bad bank"

 

I already drop 2.50 to 3.00 EURO into a bank for every day that I take the bike to work. I will use that money to buy rewards for myself and the family, such as, 5kg lost, we go eat ice cream, 10kg lost, we go eat steaks. My goal is to loose 15kg, and be fit enough to ride the bike from Ulm to the Bodensee (Lake Konstanz) in the fall. It is about 170km, and should take the better part of the day to get down there. Depending how fit I am, either ride the bike back, or take the car/train. I already did a test ride with my son last Sunday, 67km from Biberach to Ulm, took 3 hours as planned and was OK. But I was really pooped as we got home. I only really started riding the bike back and forth to work a week earlier. The hills at the start were hard, I had to go up really slow, but what goes up goes back down on the other side. What really cost me a lot of strength was the wind. There were stretches of 10-15km where we had steady front wind, and that just wore me down. I was really aching the last 12km, and was so glad to get home. Maybe next weekend we will do it again!

 

YO!

Wednesday, May 06, 2009

fun with fonts

never done this, but it thinks like fun, so I'll try and see if it works, who knows, maybe if it works, I'll do it more often.

Fw: [alan heath - private blog] New comment on Re: [alan heath - private blog] New comment on We....

----- Original Message -----
From: Elizabeth
Sent: Wednesday, May 06, 2009 2:41 PM
Subject: [alan heath - private blog] New comment on Re: [alan heath - private blog] New comment on We....

Elizabeth has left a new comment on your post "Re: [alan heath - private blog] New comment on We...":

skikes reminds me of cross country skiing- which also takes a lot of co-ordination.

my observations of German drivers are purely from a biker's perspective- and while I can't complain about signalling, I surely can complain about being honked at by drivers not too keen on sharing the road!

"Lichthupe"- hey, I learned a new german word today! cool!

gosh- 1988- long time to be in Deutschland...

"traingst"- that is the word verification I had to type in to comment...sounds like it should be a word to describe what you feel when your train is late and thus you miss your connecting train or bus...
_______________
Howdy,
 
"Traingst" - Also sounds like Train + Angst, like being scared of trains, Bahnophobia, in Germany that can sometimes be fitting.
YO!

Re: [alan heath - private blog] New comment on Well, my back has pretty much gotten better, and ....

----- Original Message -----
From: Elizabeth
Sent: Wednesday, May 06, 2009 10:40 AM
Subject: [alan heath - private blog] New comment on Well, my back has pretty much gotten better, and ....

Elizabeth has left a new comment on your post " Well, my back has pretty much gotten better, and ...":

so, did you ever try out the skikes?

and, since I've never driven here, what are the driving habits of Germans in the springtime? my only impressions of German drivers are that they drive fast- but are excellent in signalling...



Posted by Elizabeth to alan heath - private blog at 10:40 AM
 

Wello Hello Elizabeth,

 

Skikes

 

Why yes! I did try the Skikes, and failed miserably! I am not coordinated enough for using sticks and skates at the same time, all I got for my efforts were a bruised ego, a cut on the elbow (my own fault for not using proper protection) and the realisation that I saved about 350 EURO by not having to buy the Skikes and poles.

 

I am still totally convinced that the Skikes are a absolutely great concept, but had to realise that I should start small, and become sure about skating, for example with inlines, then get some inexpensive poles, and work my way up to "cross-skating", then when I can move my arms and legs without looking like Joe Cocker on wheels, then I can consider getting the Skikes, and then they are possibly cheaper as well.

 

The day after trying the Skikes, my daughter went to an inline safety course, and I joined her for the hell of it. I can skate with inlines somewhat OK, but I really did learn a lot, and it did help me to rediscover the fun of inlining. The next weekend I refurbished my K2s and went out for a bit with my son. Now I am waiting for the weather to get a bit better so that I can go out more often in the evenings.

 

German drivers.

 

Gawd Woman, don't get me started!!

 

I have been driving here unofficially since 1988, officially since 1991. I have seen a steady decrease in politeness, fairness, intelligence, and scruples since then. You are right; the Germans (saying this for people of all nationalities with German tags regardless of the actual nationality of the owner or driver) do drive fast. But as far as signalling, I cannot share your opinion. Maybe if you have followed this blog awhile, then you know 2 of my German driver's pet peeves. 1. Bad parking, 2. No blinking, naturally there are other things; maybe I should make a list, but not at this point. All I can say is: Only get a car in Germany, if you REALLY, REALLY need one!! Honestly, if the public transportation was good enough in my case, or I lived a lot closer to my job, then I would truly consider getting rid of one of our cars. Keep one for the family, and use the bus or bike the rest of the time.

 

The only real excellence in signalling I have seen from the German drivers is the "Lichthupe" and the middle finger.

 

Thanks for the comments though and please send more.

 

YO!

Thursday, April 16, 2009

Well, my back has pretty much gotten better, and my col dis tapering off, so I think that I will rent a pair of „skikes" on Friday afternoon, and see if I like using them. They look like fun, I will report. The only thing is the price. They cost about EURO 250.- a pair and another 160.- for the poles. That's a lot of dough for just a bit of cross country skating!

 

The weather was bombastic the past few days, but apparently a rainy cold front is moving in for the weekend, lets hope it's good enough to test the skikes a couple of hours.

 

Otherwise, not much goes on. I just won't start about the driving habits of Germans in the springtime!

 

YO!