In light of the ever arising questions, jokes, reasoning, and philosophical musings of why the chicken crossed the road, I thought I’d add my mustard to the discussion in the form of a small piece of prose. Yes I tried to think like a chicken, I tried to set myself into her (yes her, otherwise it would have been a rooster) mindset, why would I cross a road. Without  making pretence to any cultural or economic situation or background of the chicken, I tried to set myself into “Chickenness”

 

I hope that I have succeeded in some small way.

 

 

The chicken, the road, the other side

Feathers itching, beak yellow.

The road.

 

The taste of the last worm still salty on my tongue

The road calls.

 

My feathers itch

I scratch, and still the road…

It calls.

 

“other side, other side” it whispers, it calls

I must follow.

 

Run, I run, zigging and zagging

My feathers itching, my head buzzing, the road, it whispers under my running, my scratching feet. “other side” it calls.

 

I arrive, exhaustion pours over me.

My feathers.

The road

It calls.

Olympic Glory

http://www.xfunpics.com/ex.php?id=555

Here are the top nine comments made by NBC sports commentators during
the Athens Summer Olympics that they would like to take back:

1. Weightlifting commentator: "This is Gregoriava from Bulgaria. I saw her snatch this morning during her warm up and it was amazing."

2. Dressage commentator: "This is really a lovely horse and I speak from personal experience since I once mounted her mother."

3. Paul Hamm, Gymnast: "I owe a lot to my parents, especially my mother and father."

4. Boxing Analyst: "Sure there have been injuries, and even some deaths in boxing, but none of them really that serious."

5. Softball announcer: "If history repeats itself, I should think we can expect the same thing again."

6. Basketball analyst: "He dribbles a lot and the opposition doesn't like it. In fact you can see it all over their faces."

7. At the rowing medal ceremony: "Ah, isn't that nice, the wife of the IOC president is hugging the cox of the British crew."

8. Soccer commentator: "Julian Dicks is everywhere. It's like they've got eleven Dicks on the field."

9. Tennis commentator: "One of the reasons Andy is playing so well is that, before the final round, his wife takes out his balls and kisses them... Oh my God, what have I just said?"

 

YO! (omgroflsfh)

For the family ;-)

http://www.davesdaily.com/funpages/floridian.htm

 

You May Be A Floridian If...

1. You have more than 20 C and D batteries in your kitchen drawer.

2. The freezer in your garage is full of homemade ice.

3. You flinch when you are introduced to a person named Wilma, Frances or Ivan.

4. You find yourself dropping words like "Millibar" and "Convection" into everyday conversation.

5. Your pantry contains more than 10 cans of Spaghetti O's.

6. Making coffee on your propane grill does not seem like an odd thing to do.

7. You are thinking of repainting your house to match the plywood covering your windows.

8. When describing your house to a prospective buyer, you say it has three bedrooms, two baths and one safe place.

9. You are on a first-name basis with the cashier at Home Depot.

10. You are delighted to pay $3 for a gallon of unleaded.

11. The road leading to your house has been declared a No-Wake Zone.

12. You decide that your patio furniture looks better on the bottom of the pool.

13. You have the number for FEMA on your speed dialer.

14. You own more than three large coolers.

15. You can wish that other people get hit by a hurricane and not feel the least bit guilty about it.

16. Three months ago you couldn't hang a shower curtain; today you can assemble a portable generator by candlelight.

17. You catch a 5-pound catfish... in your driveway.

18. You can recite from memory whole portions of your homeowner's insurance policy.

19. At parties, women are attracted to the guy with the biggest chainsaw.

20. You have had tuna fish more than 5 days in a row.

21. There is a roll of tar paper in your garage.

22. You can rattle off the names of three or more meteorologists who work at The Weather Channel.

22. Someone comes to your door to tell you they found your roof.

23. Ice is a valid topic of conversation.

24. Relocating to North Dakota does not seem like such a crazy idea.

Back from Hong Kong

Well we are back from China and Hong Kong, shame it was just a week, but on the other hand, maybe best so, my kids went on a souvenir shopping spree. They were given 50 EURO shopping money from their grandmother, and spent about twice that. Oh well, it could be that they are never able to go there again, so its OK.

 

Hong Kong was great. It is loud, full, dirty, stinks, and everything else that makes up a big city, but I think as most people don’t really know that much about HK, they don’t realise that Hong Kong city itself really isn’t big at all, it is actually just a strip along the north shore of a small island. But all the burbs, the townships and territories that belong to HK make it really huge. There is so much to see, inside and outside the city. If anyone gets the chance to go and explore the city more than just flying in and out, then it is really worth it. All I can say is do your homework before you go, so that you have some ideas what you want to see and do before you get there. And don’t underestimate the distances. Even though HK city itself, and the parts of town across the bay look relatively close and small on the map, it is not worth it to walk all of it unless you are really fit. The MTR (subway) and trams, and ferries are greatly organised, and inexpensive, even the taxis are cheap, so better to pay a small price and save a lot of walking, especially if you go when it is hot, like we did, it easily reaches 35°c + and is highly humid. My jeans were always soaked (my own fault, I could have worn shorts) but like in Florida, outside it is around 35°c, in the shops and restaurants it is a chilly 18°c – 20°c, so always keep a light shirt or sweater with you if you go eat or go into a café for any length of time.

 

As for all the bad things, it is strangely, the only BIG city that I could really imagine living in up till now. Of course I don’t know how it would be to really live there, life is life, and work is work, wherever you go, but I could never have imagined living in Munich, Paris, Miami, Jacksonville, Tampa, or any other big city I have visited. (I never was in New York)

 

At the moment it would be out of the question, but who knows what life has in store.

 

Gotta run.

 

YO!

off to china

well tomorrow we are off to china. cant wait to see what the wife and kids say. everything is so strange when you go there the first time. it is strange when you see the places in t.v., and then you are finally standing there. the first time i went to hong kong was so great, the (strange) smells, the heat, etc. yep cant wait

 

YO!

Drugs are baaaad for you

http://www.ugoto.com/jokes/41224.html

 

 

A little rabbit is running happily through the forest when he stumbles upon a giraffe rolling a joint.

The rabbit looks at the giraffe and says, "Giraffe my friend, why do you do this? Come. Run with me through the forest! You''ll feel so much better!"

The giraffe looks at him, looks at the joint, tosses it and goes off running with the rabbit. Then they come across an elephant doing coke.

So the rabbit again says, "Elephant my friend, why do you do this? Think about your health. Come. Run with us through the pretty forest, you''ll see, you''ll feel so good!"

The elephant looks at them, looks at his razor, mirror and coke, then tosses them and starts running with the rabbit and giraffe. The three animals then come across a lion about to shoot up.

"Lion my friend, why do you do this? Think about your health! Come. Run with us through the beautiful forest and you''ll feel so good!" The lion looks at him, puts down his needle, and mauls the rabbit.

The giraffe and elephant watch in horror and look at him and ask, "Lion, why did you do this? He was merely trying to help you."

The lion answers, "That little bastard! He makes me run around the forest like a f**king idiot every time he's on ecstasy!"

 

 

(omgroflsfl)

Lunch blog

well, bout lunch time. today i slept in ´till 7 o-clock, was still pretty tired. my legs still hurt from biking the past two day, but i think tomorrow i´ll ride again, so that i can build up. what´ll be hard is, in a couple of weeks, i´ll be underway for a week, and then starting again when i get back. if i can start right away, then i´ll keep going, but if i slack off another week, then it´ll be weeks or months before i start any type of sport again :-(

 

i have just made a small power point presentation, it would be interesting if i could post that here as well.

 

gotta go, write more tomorrow

 

YO!

Tale of Two Curries

Fleisch-Bohnen Curry Man nehme: 800 gr Hackfleisch 100 gr Saure Sahne 1 kleine Dose Rote Kidney Bohnen 1 T-Löffel Rote Currypaste ½ T-Löffel Zimt Salz und Zucker nach Geschmack 1 Prise gemalte Kreuzkümmel Hackfleisch anbraten, Bohnen abtropfen, die Flüssigkeit aufheben. Die Flüssigkeit mit der Sahne, Currypaste, Zimt, Zucker und Salz vermischen. Wenn das Hackfleisch fast fertig gebraten ist, Bohnen und Kreuzkümmel hinzugeben, noch ca. 5 Minute weiter kochen lassen. Dann das Sahne-Curry-Gemisch dazugeben und weitere 5 Minuten köcheln lassen. Reis, Feta, und warme Pita dazu servieren.

Meat-Bean-Curry Take: 800 gr hamburger meat 100 gr sour cream 1 small can of beans 1 teaspoon red curry paste ½ teaspoon cinnamon sugar and salt to taste 1 pinch of cumin (jeera) Fry the hamburger meat, drain the beans, save the fluid. Mix the bean-fluid, the cream, the curry paste, the cinnamon, sugar and salt. When the meat is almost finished, add the beans and cumin, let it cook another 5 minutes. Then add the curry-crème mix and let it cook on small flame another 5 minutes. Serve with rice, feta, and warm pita.

Hähnchen-Rosinen-Curry Man nehme: 600 gr Hähnchenbrust 1 ½ Dosen Kokosmilch Rosinen 2 Esslöffel gelbes Currypulver (oder nach Geschmack auch ein bisschen mehr oder weniger) Salz und Zucker nach Geschmack Hähnchenfleisch waschen, abtropfen und klein schneiden (Würfel oder Streifen) Hähnchenfleisch in etwas Öl anbraten. Wenn überall goldbraun, dann Rosinen kurz mitbraten und dann mit Kokosmilch löschen. Restliche Zutaten hinzufügen und abschmecken. Dazu Reis und chinesisches Wok-Gemüse servieren.

Chicken-Raisin-Curry Take: 600 gr Chicken breast 1 ½ cans of Coconut milk Raisins 2 table spoons of yellow curry powder (more or less to taste) salt and sugar to taste Wash and dry the meat, cut into cubes or strips. Fry the meat in some vegetable oil. When the meat is over all light brown, then add the raisins and fry these a couple of minutes then add the coconut milk and the rest of the ingredients to taste. Serve with rice and Chinese stir fry veggies.

Fw: Sunday Funny - July 16, 2006

 

----- Original Message -----

From: Sunday Funny

To: thesundayfunny@thegilletteplace.com

Sent: Sunday, July 16, 2006 3:10 PM

Subject: Sunday Funny - July 16, 2006

-- Advice from Kids --

1. Never trust a dog to watch your food.
- Patrick, age 10

2. When your dad is mad and asks you,
"Do I look stupid?" don't answer him.
- Michael, 14

3. Never tell your mom her diet's not working.
- Michael, 14

4. Stay away from prunes.
- Randy, 9

5. Never pee on an electric fence.
- Robert, 13

6. Don't squat with your spurs on.
- Noronha, 13

7. Don't pull dad's finger when he tells you to.
- Emily, 10

8. When your mom is mad at your dad,
don't let her brush your hair.
- Taylia, 11

9. Never allow your three-year old brother
in the same room as your school assignment.
- Traci, 14

10. Never hold a dust buster and a cat at the same time.
- Kyoyo, 9

11. You can't hide a piece of broccoli in a glass of milk.
- Armir, 9

12. Felt markers are not good to use as lipstick.
- Lauren, 9

13. Don't pick on your sister when
she's holding a baseball bat.
- Joel, 10

14. When you get a bad grade in school,
show it to your mom when she's on the phone.
- Alyesha, 13

15. Never try to baptize a cat.
- Eileen, 8

reallywierd

Idontreallycareaboutanythingatthemoment.haveyouever noticedhowharditistotypesomthingwithouthittingthespace barwhenyouarereallyusedtotypingsomethingalot? maybeI’llstartablogwhereallIwriteiswritteninsuchamanner. Wellgottagofornow,checkbackinlater,andifIstartthat blogi’llletyouknow.YO!

Pseudo Chinese Proverbs

"he who pee in own garden, must eat own leek"

"he who jump through un-open window, must suffer great pane"

"he who wake up and smell coffee, may just have bean in nose"

"he who drink martini dry, must order new one"

"he who tell sit and untruth at night, probably also lie in the sun"

"he who sit in front row of porno theater, see the hole film best"

(old) "he who laughs last... Probably not understand joke"

(old) " he who pass gas in church, must sit in own pew"

"he who mow in crooked lines, probably have bad grass"

"if farmer has skinny cows, does not mean he sell low-fat milk"

"if resturant advertise "we serve shrimps" does not mean midgets get special treatment"

"if resturant advertise "we serve clams" does not mean no need to tip waiter"

"if forrester poop in woods, must take care not to step on own log"

facts and lunch blog

uGoto.com's Addicting Content for Jul 12, 2006:
> Visit our homepage at : http://www.ugoto.com

[Today's Cool Facts]:
The hardest bone in the human body is the jawbone

The electric chair was invented by a dentist
*FIGURES!!!

*n.f. alan

 

 

PLUS - lunch blog -

 

well jurgen klinsmann stepped down as trainer of the german national soccer (football for the brits) team.

 

GOOD JOB KLINSI!!!

 

really, all the people who were getting on his ass before the world cup, now they were all kissing his ass to stay. i really liked him, and think he did a great job, and brought alot to german soccer, but he has the balls to say, stop now while everything is at its best! and that makes me happy for him. besides, i am hoping he will train the american boys, so that they have a real chance in 4 years.

 

besides, how many normal people really get such a chance to say, "kiss my ass, i told you so"

 

 

all the best to you jurgen.

 

YO!!

Adult Entertainment?

I was just wondering, if Adult Entertainment is entertainment showing "adults" doing "adult" things, like sex, then what is Adult Education as advertised in all those spam-mails?

 

YO ?!?

- QUOTATION OF THE DAY -

"I think this is sad, very sad, for him to end his career like this."
- RAYMOND DOMENECH,  France's coach, on the ejection in overtime of Zinédine
Zidane for the head-butting of an Italian defender.

http://www.nytimes.com/2006/07/10/sports/soccer/10cup.html?th&emc=th

dissapointed

man was i dissapointed yesterday. the world cup ended in a disaster for france. zidane let himself get caught up, and kicked off the field. oh well - ow hell

 

The Plan

http://www.ugoto.com/jokes/40167.html

 

In the beginning was the Plan.

And then came the Assumptions.

And the Assumptions were without form.

And the Plan was without substance.

And darkness was upon the face of the Workers.

And they spoke among themselves, saying, "It is a crock of sh*t, and it stinks."

And the Workers went unto their Supervisors and said, "It is a pail of dung, and we can't live with the smell.

And the Supervisors went unto their Managers, saying, "It is the container of the excrements, and it is very strong, such that none may abide by it."

And the Mangers went unto their Directors, saying, "It is a vessel of fertilizer, and none may abide its strength."

And the Directors spoke among themselves, saying to one another, "It promotes growth, and it is very powerful."

And the Vice Presidents went to the President, saying unto him, "This new plan will actively promote the growth and vigor of the company with very powerful effects."

And the President looked upon the Plan and saw that it was good.

And the Plan became Policy.

And that is how sh*t happens.

I ( HEART) BLONDS

A blonde says to a brunette, ''Excuse me, but each time I sip my coffee, my eye seems to hurt.''

The brunette says, ''Well maybe you should take the spoon out of the cup.''
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

A blonde was having sharp pains in her side.
The doctor examined her and said, ''You have acute appendicitis.''

The blond yelled at the doctor...
''I came here to get medical help, not get a stupid compliment!!''
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

A blonde got a dent in her car and took it in to the repair shop.
The repairman, noticing that the woman was a blonde, decided to have a wee bit of fun.

So he told her all she had to was take it home and blow in the tailpipe until the dent popped itself out.

After 15 minutes of this, the blonde's blonde friend came over and asked what she was doing.

"I'm trying to pop out this dent, but it's not really working."

"Duh. You have to roll up the windows first!"

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ 

 

A Blonde airhead goes for a job interview in an office.
The interviewer starts with the basics.
"So, Miss, can you tell us your age, please?"

The blonde counts carefully on her fingers for half a minute before replying "Ehhhh... 22!"

The interviewer tries another straightforward one to break the ice.
"And can you tell us your height, please?"

The young lady stands up and produces a measuring tape from her handbag. She then traps one end under her foot and extends the tape to the top of her head. She checks the measurement and announces "Five foot two!"

This isn't looking good so the interviewer goes for the real basics; something the interviewee won't have to count, measure, or lookup.
"Just to confirm for our records, your name please?"

The airhead bobs her head from side to side for about ten seconds, mouthing something silently to herself, before replying "MANDY!"

The interviewer is completely baffled at this stage, so he asks -
"What in the world were you doing when I asked you your name?"

"Ohhhh, that!" replies the airhead...
" I was just running through that song -
'Happy birthday to you, happy birthday to you, happy birthday dear...'

THINGS THAT ARE DIFFICULT TO SAY WHEN YOU'RE DRUNK:

http://www.ugoto.com/jokes/40122.html

 

THINGS THAT ARE DIFFICULT TO SAY WHEN YOU'RE DRUNK:
Indubitably
Innovative
Preliminary
Proliferation
Cinnamon

THINGS THAT ARE VERY DIFFICULT TO SAY WHEN YOU'RE DRUNK:
Specificity
British Constitution
Passive-aggressive disorder
Loquacious Transubstantiate

THINGS THAT ARE DOWNRIGHT IMPOSSIBLE TO SAY WHEN YOU'RE DRUNK:
Thanks, but I don't want to have sex
Nope, no more booze for me
Sorry, but you're not really my type
Good evening officer, isn't it lovely out tonight
Oh, I just couldn't. No one wants to hear me sing.

omgrofleol

A blonde walks into a pharmacy and asks the assistant for some rectum deodorant.

The pharmacist, a little bemused, explains to the woman they don't sell rectum deodorant, and never have.

Unfazed, the blonde assures the pharmacist that she has been buying the stuff from this store on a regular basis and would like some more.

"I'm sorry", says the pharmacist, "we don't have any"

'But I always buy it here," says the blonde.

"Do you have the container that it came in?" asks the pharmacist

"YES", said the blonde, "I'll go home and get it."

She returns with the container and hands it to the pharmacist who looks at it and says to her, "This is just a normal stick of underarm deodorant"

Annoyed, the blonde snatches the container back and reads out loud from the container, "TO APPLY, PUSH UP BOTTOM."

 

 

http://www.extremefunnypictures.com/funnypic356.htm

lunch - Germany lost - blog

yesterday germany got thier asses kicked in the world championships, shame, in the last few years I never really liked the German national team

1. ´cause they seemed arrogant

2. ´cause it seemed they only won thru luck

3. ´cause there where too many players from fc bayern munich, which led to s. point 1.

 

but this year with "klinsi" they were a young fresh crew, who had spass with the game. i guess it took someone who lived in america awhile to understand fun, lord knows the germans usually really arent a fun oriented group of individuals.

 

now we just need to get our ami-boys in shape for 2010, and show the world that we can play more than just american football, and baseball, and basketball. maybe after that we can make a charge on cricket, but then again what the hell for?

 

YO!