Fw: The existence of Hell - a treatise

From my sister,

 

The following is an actual question given on a Washington State University chemistry mid-term. The answer by one of the students was so "profound" that the professor shared it with colleagues, via the internet, which is, of course, why we now have the pleasure of enjoying it as well.

Bonus Question: Is Hell exothermic (gives off heat) or endothermic (absorbs heat)? Most students wrote proofs of their beliefs using Boyle's Law (gas cools when it expands and heats when it is compressed) or some variant.

One student, however, wrote the following:

First, we need to know how the mass of Hell is changing in time. So we need to know the rate at which souls are moving into Hell and the rate at which they are leaving. I think that we can safely assume that once a soul gets to Hell, it will not leave. Therefore, no souls are leaving. As for how many souls are entering Hell, let's look at the different religions that exist in the world today. Most of these religions state that if you are not a member of their
religion you will go to Hell. Since there is more than one of these religions and since people do not belong to more than one religion, we can project that all souls go to Hell. With birth and death rates as they are, we can expect the number of souls in Hell to increase exponentially. Now, we look at the rate of change of the volume in Hell because Boyle's Law states that in order for the temperature and pressure in Hell to stay the same, the volume of Hell has to expand proportionately as souls are added.

This gives two possibilities:

1. If Hell is expanding at a slower rate than the rate at which souls enter Hell, then the temperature and pressure in Hell will increase until all Hell breaks loose.

2. If Hell is expanding at a rate faster than the increase of souls in Hell, then the temperature and pressure will drop until Hell freezes over.

So which is it? If we accept the postulate given to me by Teresa during my Freshman year that, "It will be a cold day in Hell before I sleep with you," and take into account the fact that I slept with her last night, then number two must be true, and thus I am sure that Hell is exothermic and has already frozen over. The corollary of this theory is that since Hell has frozen over, it follows that it is not accepting any more souls and is therefore, extinct leaving only Heaven, thereby proving the existence of a divine being which explains why, last night, Teresa kept shouting, "Oh my God!"

THIS STUDENT RECEIVED THE ONLY "A".

been awhile

Wow, it has been so long again since I’'ve blogged

I was in Hong Kong again last week, spent Tuesday afternoon in town, first I had a small meeting with someone from a sourcing office, then I didn’t know what to do, if I should go to Lantau and see the Big Buddha again, (great vegetarian lunch), but then, since I had already gotten off the MTR in Admiralty, I decided to walk to the lower Peak Tram station and take the tram up, that was so cool! Naturally at the upper peak, they have a modern building with a great viewing platform, but inside are all kinds of fast food joints, cafes, and souvenir shops.

It was really neat, now that I can spend some hours at a time in HK, and have started learning to get around by myself, it is so much more interesting there. I bought an “Octopus” card last time I was there, really just a reloadable RFID or chip card, it is really practical. For those who don’t know anything about it, you load it up with a few HK-Dollars, and when entering or leaving certain public transport system, you just lay your wallet (or whatever you have it in) on a plate, and it shows how much is still loaded, and what the fare being taken off is. You can reload it at 7-11 (where you can pay for your groceries with it as well) or at the MTR stations. And as for example at the peak tram stations, there was usually a long line of tourists to pay for their tickets, and holders of the octopus card, just walk up to the next turnstile, lay down the card, and are immediately admitted.

It is strange, but I always get “homesick” for HK a few days after returning to Germany. I still don’t know how it would really be to live there, but the other day, I saw that they only have a maximum of 16% taxes on your pay, with reductions for dependents, there is also some sort of health care plan that takes another 5%, but I am not sure how that all works. But for example I pay around 28% on my wages, and that is LOW, other people, for example even my wife pas up to 45%. I still want to find out about employers tax obligations for their workers, but in Germany, the rule of thumb, is for every 1 EURO the worker is being paid, the company pays almost 1 EURO in taxes, so for a worker that earns say 2000 EURO, the company is paying almost 4000 EURO, and that is why so many companies are so pressed when it comes to hiring a new worker.

YO!

Weekend in Munich

Well well well, the seasons, they are a´changen. And I don’t like it at all. It was actually nice the past few days though, I took Friday off from work, went to Munich to a concert from Jet. Well the full story is, my wife and I went to see Jet in concert on Thursday evening, and we booked a room, so that we could stay and go shopping on Friday, and then drive home on Saturday.

 

First surprise, Jet cancelled because of “Vocal cord afflictions” yeah right, sounded like “didn’t-feel-like-showing afflictions” No, that is unfair, someone may really have been sick, so I can’t complain. Anyways, we then went to a steak house in the city centre, to have a big 300-gram rib-eye nice´n´bloody – yeah just the way I like em. Maybe politically and maybe health wise incorrect, but hey in Europe nobody is on that train yet, so I don’t have to worry. Naturally I do have thoughts about my health, so when I get back from China again, I have said, I will start swinging my diet back to the healthier side. In China, it is easy anyways, a lot of veggies, and fish and such. For all, someone who cooks it. That is the hardest thing about eating healthy at home, is, what to cook, what to buy? In Germany, it seems they only have limited resources of veggies. Zucchini, tomatoes, cabbage, and such. And sooner or sooner you are through all of them and you get sick of looking at them. As well as the recipes, I know I don’t, and my wife who also works a lot doesn’t have any desire to be trying out a different recipe every day after work, it should be easy and quick. Well I should quite griping and just do it right? Right.

 

Well right now I have about 114kg (last time I stepped onto the scale) and so I want to loose about 14 of that and get back to about 98 to 100 kg. Of course a big part of that is getting active again, the problem is once I start, after a couple of days it really starts to be fun, and then something comes up (usually another trip to China, or vacation, or, or, or,) then I stop, and if I don’t immediately start again, then it is 1 then 2, then 3,4,5 weeks, and then it is like starting over again. It used to be, that I had a small beer belly, and it didn’t bother me, but now I have just turned 40, and I am getting a bigger beer belly, and now it does bother me. I am not happy looking at myself in the mirror any more. So time to make the cut, and start getting back in shape. Who knows, maybe I should start using this or another blog to start charting and documenting my way back to the slim and healthy Alan.

 

Anyways, back to Munich. After Steak, on Friday we went into town, and went shopping. The. Whole. Day. Long. Around 3 or 4 in the afternoon, we went back to the room and rested a bit, and then went back to town to a restaurant where I reserved a table. I had been to a similar restaurant in Cologne before. It is Persian cooking, in Cologne we sat on pillows on the floor, around a small table, ate, drank, and afterwards watched a belly dancer and smoked a shisha (water pipe) filled with aromatic tobacco (yeah, just tobacco) but it was great. Anyways, in Munich I wanted to do the same with my wife, but alas, we sat at a table, there was no dancing, and at the end, she didn’t want to smoke a pipe, so we just ate a very good Persian meal, went over to an Irish pub, that was so full, that we resigned and went back to the room, got a couple of brews from the hotel bar up to the room and watched the box awhile.

 

It was still a great weekend, and I still really enjoy getting off with my wife for a romantic weekend without the kids. I guess what makes me proud of the whole thing, is that it was our 19^th anniversary, and we still get on great. Looking forward to our 20^th, just not sure where to go yet.

 

YO!

Wee bit long

so now, I see it has been a wee bit long since I last posted. all those hard core bloggers out there will ask themselves...

 

"why have a blog if you are not blogging regularly?…”

 

well, says I…

 

 ”none of your blogging business, go stick your nose-cone in someone else’s orbit”

 

No, I really don’t want to be so aggressive, but what the hell, everyone is so aggressive these days, we all feel like India-Pakistan, or USA-Iran/Iraq/Afghanistan/Environment/Clean air/______(fill in blank). As I am living in the Good ol’ Republic of Germany, I see things different than a lot of Americans living in the good ol’ US of A. Please don’t think that I am un-patriotic, because I am still proud to be an American, and I would probably never even think of becoming a German, but when I see the way Bush is ruining America’s reputation, and friendships the world over, it really makes me want to puke, but that would not help me keep any friends, at the most it would help me lose weight.

 

Like the “Pro-Ana” girls I read about in the paper this morning. Girls and women who are being sucked into a Pro anorexia mindset to become thin, now I see that there are a lot of obese people in the “civilised” western nations, and that is definitely a problem, but to go into the other extreme is even more dangerous, as people tend to die quicker for lack of food, than over abundance. If these women think that being so thin is so beautiful, and that not eating is a sure way to reach their ideals, then they should do a “life swap” with someone in Ethiopia or somewhere else where the people are so thin through no fault of their own.

 

At the moment, life in Germany isn’t so rosy, I took my family to Hong Kong for a couple of days on a mixed business / vacation mix. It was the first time that I really got to move around in HK, other than “Nathan Road” where all the Indian guys want to sell a copy-watch every 2.36 meters. If I had so much money to buy so many copy-watches, then I could probably afford a real Rolex or Brightling. AND if I bought so many, then I wouldn’t be able to walk after about three blocks. On the other hand, maybe I could re-sale them and earn enough money to buy a real Rolex or Brightling. Anyways, back to the story, I enjoyed myself so much, that I really started thinking about moving to HK myself. It would take awhile to get everything ready, and to tell the truth, I really don’t know if it would actually be so great to lie there. But Germany is becoming less and less of a Lifelong-option, and the fact that almost everyone in Florida can buy and use guns at a such scary rate makes me think twice (or more) about living there again. Where else? Somewhere warm, with some industry so I could get a job… who knows?

 

Well I’m gonna go now.

 

YO!

In light of the ever arising questions, jokes, reasoning, and philosophical musings of why the chicken crossed the road, I thought I’d add my mustard to the discussion in the form of a small piece of prose. Yes I tried to think like a chicken, I tried to set myself into her (yes her, otherwise it would have been a rooster) mindset, why would I cross a road. Without  making pretence to any cultural or economic situation or background of the chicken, I tried to set myself into “Chickenness”

 

I hope that I have succeeded in some small way.

 

 

The chicken, the road, the other side

Feathers itching, beak yellow.

The road.

 

The taste of the last worm still salty on my tongue

The road calls.

 

My feathers itch

I scratch, and still the road…

It calls.

 

“other side, other side” it whispers, it calls

I must follow.

 

Run, I run, zigging and zagging

My feathers itching, my head buzzing, the road, it whispers under my running, my scratching feet. “other side” it calls.

 

I arrive, exhaustion pours over me.

My feathers.

The road

It calls.

Olympic Glory

http://www.xfunpics.com/ex.php?id=555

Here are the top nine comments made by NBC sports commentators during
the Athens Summer Olympics that they would like to take back:

1. Weightlifting commentator: "This is Gregoriava from Bulgaria. I saw her snatch this morning during her warm up and it was amazing."

2. Dressage commentator: "This is really a lovely horse and I speak from personal experience since I once mounted her mother."

3. Paul Hamm, Gymnast: "I owe a lot to my parents, especially my mother and father."

4. Boxing Analyst: "Sure there have been injuries, and even some deaths in boxing, but none of them really that serious."

5. Softball announcer: "If history repeats itself, I should think we can expect the same thing again."

6. Basketball analyst: "He dribbles a lot and the opposition doesn't like it. In fact you can see it all over their faces."

7. At the rowing medal ceremony: "Ah, isn't that nice, the wife of the IOC president is hugging the cox of the British crew."

8. Soccer commentator: "Julian Dicks is everywhere. It's like they've got eleven Dicks on the field."

9. Tennis commentator: "One of the reasons Andy is playing so well is that, before the final round, his wife takes out his balls and kisses them... Oh my God, what have I just said?"

 

YO! (omgroflsfh)

For the family ;-)

http://www.davesdaily.com/funpages/floridian.htm

 

You May Be A Floridian If...

1. You have more than 20 C and D batteries in your kitchen drawer.

2. The freezer in your garage is full of homemade ice.

3. You flinch when you are introduced to a person named Wilma, Frances or Ivan.

4. You find yourself dropping words like "Millibar" and "Convection" into everyday conversation.

5. Your pantry contains more than 10 cans of Spaghetti O's.

6. Making coffee on your propane grill does not seem like an odd thing to do.

7. You are thinking of repainting your house to match the plywood covering your windows.

8. When describing your house to a prospective buyer, you say it has three bedrooms, two baths and one safe place.

9. You are on a first-name basis with the cashier at Home Depot.

10. You are delighted to pay $3 for a gallon of unleaded.

11. The road leading to your house has been declared a No-Wake Zone.

12. You decide that your patio furniture looks better on the bottom of the pool.

13. You have the number for FEMA on your speed dialer.

14. You own more than three large coolers.

15. You can wish that other people get hit by a hurricane and not feel the least bit guilty about it.

16. Three months ago you couldn't hang a shower curtain; today you can assemble a portable generator by candlelight.

17. You catch a 5-pound catfish... in your driveway.

18. You can recite from memory whole portions of your homeowner's insurance policy.

19. At parties, women are attracted to the guy with the biggest chainsaw.

20. You have had tuna fish more than 5 days in a row.

21. There is a roll of tar paper in your garage.

22. You can rattle off the names of three or more meteorologists who work at The Weather Channel.

22. Someone comes to your door to tell you they found your roof.

23. Ice is a valid topic of conversation.

24. Relocating to North Dakota does not seem like such a crazy idea.

Back from Hong Kong

Well we are back from China and Hong Kong, shame it was just a week, but on the other hand, maybe best so, my kids went on a souvenir shopping spree. They were given 50 EURO shopping money from their grandmother, and spent about twice that. Oh well, it could be that they are never able to go there again, so its OK.

 

Hong Kong was great. It is loud, full, dirty, stinks, and everything else that makes up a big city, but I think as most people don’t really know that much about HK, they don’t realise that Hong Kong city itself really isn’t big at all, it is actually just a strip along the north shore of a small island. But all the burbs, the townships and territories that belong to HK make it really huge. There is so much to see, inside and outside the city. If anyone gets the chance to go and explore the city more than just flying in and out, then it is really worth it. All I can say is do your homework before you go, so that you have some ideas what you want to see and do before you get there. And don’t underestimate the distances. Even though HK city itself, and the parts of town across the bay look relatively close and small on the map, it is not worth it to walk all of it unless you are really fit. The MTR (subway) and trams, and ferries are greatly organised, and inexpensive, even the taxis are cheap, so better to pay a small price and save a lot of walking, especially if you go when it is hot, like we did, it easily reaches 35°c + and is highly humid. My jeans were always soaked (my own fault, I could have worn shorts) but like in Florida, outside it is around 35°c, in the shops and restaurants it is a chilly 18°c – 20°c, so always keep a light shirt or sweater with you if you go eat or go into a café for any length of time.

 

As for all the bad things, it is strangely, the only BIG city that I could really imagine living in up till now. Of course I don’t know how it would be to really live there, life is life, and work is work, wherever you go, but I could never have imagined living in Munich, Paris, Miami, Jacksonville, Tampa, or any other big city I have visited. (I never was in New York)

 

At the moment it would be out of the question, but who knows what life has in store.

 

Gotta run.

 

YO!

off to china

well tomorrow we are off to china. cant wait to see what the wife and kids say. everything is so strange when you go there the first time. it is strange when you see the places in t.v., and then you are finally standing there. the first time i went to hong kong was so great, the (strange) smells, the heat, etc. yep cant wait

 

YO!

Drugs are baaaad for you

http://www.ugoto.com/jokes/41224.html

 

 

A little rabbit is running happily through the forest when he stumbles upon a giraffe rolling a joint.

The rabbit looks at the giraffe and says, "Giraffe my friend, why do you do this? Come. Run with me through the forest! You''ll feel so much better!"

The giraffe looks at him, looks at the joint, tosses it and goes off running with the rabbit. Then they come across an elephant doing coke.

So the rabbit again says, "Elephant my friend, why do you do this? Think about your health. Come. Run with us through the pretty forest, you''ll see, you''ll feel so good!"

The elephant looks at them, looks at his razor, mirror and coke, then tosses them and starts running with the rabbit and giraffe. The three animals then come across a lion about to shoot up.

"Lion my friend, why do you do this? Think about your health! Come. Run with us through the beautiful forest and you''ll feel so good!" The lion looks at him, puts down his needle, and mauls the rabbit.

The giraffe and elephant watch in horror and look at him and ask, "Lion, why did you do this? He was merely trying to help you."

The lion answers, "That little bastard! He makes me run around the forest like a f**king idiot every time he's on ecstasy!"

 

 

(omgroflsfl)

Lunch blog

well, bout lunch time. today i slept in ´till 7 o-clock, was still pretty tired. my legs still hurt from biking the past two day, but i think tomorrow i´ll ride again, so that i can build up. what´ll be hard is, in a couple of weeks, i´ll be underway for a week, and then starting again when i get back. if i can start right away, then i´ll keep going, but if i slack off another week, then it´ll be weeks or months before i start any type of sport again :-(

 

i have just made a small power point presentation, it would be interesting if i could post that here as well.

 

gotta go, write more tomorrow

 

YO!

Tale of Two Curries

Fleisch-Bohnen Curry Man nehme: 800 gr Hackfleisch 100 gr Saure Sahne 1 kleine Dose Rote Kidney Bohnen 1 T-Löffel Rote Currypaste ½ T-Löffel Zimt Salz und Zucker nach Geschmack 1 Prise gemalte Kreuzkümmel Hackfleisch anbraten, Bohnen abtropfen, die Flüssigkeit aufheben. Die Flüssigkeit mit der Sahne, Currypaste, Zimt, Zucker und Salz vermischen. Wenn das Hackfleisch fast fertig gebraten ist, Bohnen und Kreuzkümmel hinzugeben, noch ca. 5 Minute weiter kochen lassen. Dann das Sahne-Curry-Gemisch dazugeben und weitere 5 Minuten köcheln lassen. Reis, Feta, und warme Pita dazu servieren.

Meat-Bean-Curry Take: 800 gr hamburger meat 100 gr sour cream 1 small can of beans 1 teaspoon red curry paste ½ teaspoon cinnamon sugar and salt to taste 1 pinch of cumin (jeera) Fry the hamburger meat, drain the beans, save the fluid. Mix the bean-fluid, the cream, the curry paste, the cinnamon, sugar and salt. When the meat is almost finished, add the beans and cumin, let it cook another 5 minutes. Then add the curry-crème mix and let it cook on small flame another 5 minutes. Serve with rice, feta, and warm pita.

Hähnchen-Rosinen-Curry Man nehme: 600 gr Hähnchenbrust 1 ½ Dosen Kokosmilch Rosinen 2 Esslöffel gelbes Currypulver (oder nach Geschmack auch ein bisschen mehr oder weniger) Salz und Zucker nach Geschmack Hähnchenfleisch waschen, abtropfen und klein schneiden (Würfel oder Streifen) Hähnchenfleisch in etwas Öl anbraten. Wenn überall goldbraun, dann Rosinen kurz mitbraten und dann mit Kokosmilch löschen. Restliche Zutaten hinzufügen und abschmecken. Dazu Reis und chinesisches Wok-Gemüse servieren.

Chicken-Raisin-Curry Take: 600 gr Chicken breast 1 ½ cans of Coconut milk Raisins 2 table spoons of yellow curry powder (more or less to taste) salt and sugar to taste Wash and dry the meat, cut into cubes or strips. Fry the meat in some vegetable oil. When the meat is over all light brown, then add the raisins and fry these a couple of minutes then add the coconut milk and the rest of the ingredients to taste. Serve with rice and Chinese stir fry veggies.

Fw: Sunday Funny - July 16, 2006

 

----- Original Message -----

From: Sunday Funny

To: thesundayfunny@thegilletteplace.com

Sent: Sunday, July 16, 2006 3:10 PM

Subject: Sunday Funny - July 16, 2006

-- Advice from Kids --

1. Never trust a dog to watch your food.
- Patrick, age 10

2. When your dad is mad and asks you,
"Do I look stupid?" don't answer him.
- Michael, 14

3. Never tell your mom her diet's not working.
- Michael, 14

4. Stay away from prunes.
- Randy, 9

5. Never pee on an electric fence.
- Robert, 13

6. Don't squat with your spurs on.
- Noronha, 13

7. Don't pull dad's finger when he tells you to.
- Emily, 10

8. When your mom is mad at your dad,
don't let her brush your hair.
- Taylia, 11

9. Never allow your three-year old brother
in the same room as your school assignment.
- Traci, 14

10. Never hold a dust buster and a cat at the same time.
- Kyoyo, 9

11. You can't hide a piece of broccoli in a glass of milk.
- Armir, 9

12. Felt markers are not good to use as lipstick.
- Lauren, 9

13. Don't pick on your sister when
she's holding a baseball bat.
- Joel, 10

14. When you get a bad grade in school,
show it to your mom when she's on the phone.
- Alyesha, 13

15. Never try to baptize a cat.
- Eileen, 8

reallywierd

Idontreallycareaboutanythingatthemoment.haveyouever noticedhowharditistotypesomthingwithouthittingthespace barwhenyouarereallyusedtotypingsomethingalot? maybeI’llstartablogwhereallIwriteiswritteninsuchamanner. Wellgottagofornow,checkbackinlater,andifIstartthat blogi’llletyouknow.YO!

Pseudo Chinese Proverbs

"he who pee in own garden, must eat own leek"

"he who jump through un-open window, must suffer great pane"

"he who wake up and smell coffee, may just have bean in nose"

"he who drink martini dry, must order new one"

"he who tell sit and untruth at night, probably also lie in the sun"

"he who sit in front row of porno theater, see the hole film best"

(old) "he who laughs last... Probably not understand joke"

(old) " he who pass gas in church, must sit in own pew"

"he who mow in crooked lines, probably have bad grass"

"if farmer has skinny cows, does not mean he sell low-fat milk"

"if resturant advertise "we serve shrimps" does not mean midgets get special treatment"

"if resturant advertise "we serve clams" does not mean no need to tip waiter"

"if forrester poop in woods, must take care not to step on own log"

facts and lunch blog

uGoto.com's Addicting Content for Jul 12, 2006:
> Visit our homepage at : http://www.ugoto.com

[Today's Cool Facts]:
The hardest bone in the human body is the jawbone

The electric chair was invented by a dentist
*FIGURES!!!

*n.f. alan

 

 

PLUS - lunch blog -

 

well jurgen klinsmann stepped down as trainer of the german national soccer (football for the brits) team.

 

GOOD JOB KLINSI!!!

 

really, all the people who were getting on his ass before the world cup, now they were all kissing his ass to stay. i really liked him, and think he did a great job, and brought alot to german soccer, but he has the balls to say, stop now while everything is at its best! and that makes me happy for him. besides, i am hoping he will train the american boys, so that they have a real chance in 4 years.

 

besides, how many normal people really get such a chance to say, "kiss my ass, i told you so"

 

 

all the best to you jurgen.

 

YO!!

Adult Entertainment?

I was just wondering, if Adult Entertainment is entertainment showing "adults" doing "adult" things, like sex, then what is Adult Education as advertised in all those spam-mails?

 

YO ?!?

- QUOTATION OF THE DAY -

"I think this is sad, very sad, for him to end his career like this."
- RAYMOND DOMENECH,  France's coach, on the ejection in overtime of Zinédine
Zidane for the head-butting of an Italian defender.

http://www.nytimes.com/2006/07/10/sports/soccer/10cup.html?th&emc=th

dissapointed

man was i dissapointed yesterday. the world cup ended in a disaster for france. zidane let himself get caught up, and kicked off the field. oh well - ow hell

 

The Plan

http://www.ugoto.com/jokes/40167.html

 

In the beginning was the Plan.

And then came the Assumptions.

And the Assumptions were without form.

And the Plan was without substance.

And darkness was upon the face of the Workers.

And they spoke among themselves, saying, "It is a crock of sh*t, and it stinks."

And the Workers went unto their Supervisors and said, "It is a pail of dung, and we can't live with the smell.

And the Supervisors went unto their Managers, saying, "It is the container of the excrements, and it is very strong, such that none may abide by it."

And the Mangers went unto their Directors, saying, "It is a vessel of fertilizer, and none may abide its strength."

And the Directors spoke among themselves, saying to one another, "It promotes growth, and it is very powerful."

And the Vice Presidents went to the President, saying unto him, "This new plan will actively promote the growth and vigor of the company with very powerful effects."

And the President looked upon the Plan and saw that it was good.

And the Plan became Policy.

And that is how sh*t happens.